On relationships or why I simply love Rosemary!

How you ever stopped to really consider what is a ‘relationship’?

Do you think of ‘relationship’ as a  solid object that once created lasts for a long time, perhaps even an eternity?

Do you think of a  ‘relationship’ as being like a holiday – a clear starting and end point and in between there is lots of adventure, excitement, novelty and fun?

Do you think of ‘relationship’ as communication – talking, discussing, debating?

Do you think of ‘relationship’ as a meal around a table – the meal has to be created, the people invited to the table and there is sharing of food and conversation?

I realise that I have thought of my relationship with my wife as rather like an enduring object.  We created that object many years ago and having been created it should simply last.  After all we have been together for some 19 years.

Today, a wise friend (Rosemary) reminded me about an aspect of ‘relationship’ that I had perhaps never realised and if I did do so then I had certainly forgotten it.  She stated “A relationship needs to fed and nurtured”.

Yes, a relationship has to be fed and nurtured.  And that reminded me of gardening.  When I plant a seedling it needs lots of attention in the form of feeding an nurturing (light, water, heat etc).  As the seedling grows into a young plant it still needs feeding and nurturing.  As the young plant grows into a strong and healthy established plant, it still needs feeding and nurturing. All that changes is that the both the volume, regularity and form of that feeding and nurturing.  If you forget this and fail to feed and nurture the plant, even a strong established healthy plant, it will wither and die eventually.

I realise that to date I have had a mistaken picture of some of my closest relationships.  Thinking that they are now well established plants, I have mistakenly assumed that they no longer need to be fed and nurtured – they can look after themselves.  Thankfully, these relationships are not dead, simply withering and looking for some tender care.  That is my commitment: to give that care in the form of regular feeding and nurturing.

Thank you Rosemary for awakening me from my sleep!

Author: Maz Iqbal

Experienced management consultant working at the intersection of strategy, customer, and technology. Combine a tendency to think strategically with a penchant for getting my hands dirty at the coalface of implementation.

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