What Is The Foundational Practice Of Love?


What Is The Foundational Practice of Love?

In his book, ‘True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart’, Thich Nhat Hanh says that the foundational practice of love is to be there:

“To love, in the context of Buddhism, is above all to be there….. If you are not there how can you love? Being there is very much an art …… bringing your true presence to the here and now. The question that arises is: Do you have the time to love?

What Is The Foundational Practice Of ‘Playing BIG’?

It occurs to me that many of us (including me) misunderstand what it it to ‘Play BIG’ in life. We confuse ‘Playing BIG’ to taking on big projects, going for big outcomes, achieving big wealth/status.

It occurs to me that you/i can ‘Play BIG’ simply by being there. Why do I say this constitutes ‘Playing BIG’?  Here is what Thich Nhat Hanh says: “But being there is not an easy thing.” It takes practice: ongoing practice.

Is being there that important?  Is being there for the people who you/i profess to love that important?  Is being there for those who count on you that important?  I share with you the card I received from my son in relation to Father’s Day:

“Dear Papa,

I am sorry this card is late but now, I feel ready to give it to you. The truth is you’re not a perfect dad by any means but overall you do a good job. You love your family to bits, you do so much for us all, and I for one love you to bits…….. having you at my side when I need you most is a blessing. You are so kind and you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. Thank you for all your hugs, warmth and affection that you have given me. These mean so much to me and make me feel really loved. You help me feel at ease and at peace with myself and your presence is calming.

Also, I hope you know that I look up to you in so many ways. I love the fact you appreciate the simple things in life and are always prepared to count your blessings rather than looking at what you don’t have or what you could have……

Finally, I hope you can believe that you are worthy dad. In my opinion, you are a background person, and so it can be easy to forget that you are there, but this doesn’t mean that people don’t love you or care about you. For me, just you being yourself makes a big difference. Also, remember to inject that random sense of craziness and fun of yours into life!

I guess all I can say is thanks for everything you do for me and just being there for me when I need you the most…… believe in yourself and believe you are a worthy dad.

Love, Marco.”

All I can say is that when times have been the most difficult for my son, and I have not jumped into the ‘fix it’ mode of being-travelling in the world, I have simply been there for my son. To my utter astonishment that has made more of a contribution than if I had turned up and fixed it.

A Priceless Gift On Father’s Day


Today, I wish to ‘record’ and share with you the song that my daughter sang for me yesterday. A song that shows up as priceless for me. And which left me deeply moved, tears rolling down my eyes. Why?

Put simply, over the last couple of years I have experienced a deep sadness and loss. Why? Due to a certain distance with my daughter where once there was simply love and laughter, hugs and connection.

Perhaps, you are experiencing that which I have experienced. Perhaps this song will touch you as it touches me. Perhaps, this song will awaken possibility. What possibility? The possibility of connection with all who matter to you, and to whom you matter.

Father’s Day Song

You would hold me when I was crying

and rock me back to sleep.

Now trust me I ain’t lying

you were the world to me

and you always knew

one day I would grow up and get older.

And, I wanted to be just like my dollies

and be smarter.

I love you, I love you

don’t let anyone tell you different

yes, I need you

daddy, I need you

even though it don’t look like I do.

You would tell me I’m smart

even though I didn’t think it was true,

You would tell me I’m loved

even if you thought I didn’t love you!

And I look at myself in the mirror

just waiting to get older.

But daddy I love you,

I love you

don’t let anyone tell you different.

Yes, I love you,

daddy, I love you

even though it don’t look like I do.

I need you, you need me

I remember all this rubbish you taught me

“For mash get smash”,

‘One Cornetto give it to me,

one Cornetto fresh from Italy!”

It’s rubbish and it’s funny

so I remember it from you.

I love you, I love you

don’t let anyone tell you different.

Yes, I need you

daddy, I need you

even though it don’t look like I do!

– Clea 

For my daughter, I wish simply to say that I am deeply grateful that our lives touched. And I am committed to being around as long as possible. I love you deeply and find you to be amazing.

If You Wish To Play Big Then Show Up And Travel In This Manner


It occurs to me that almost all of us, for almost all the time, live as slaves and/or victims.  What are we slaves of? Of reward and punishment. Of praise and blame.

We are slaves of  appreciation, of validation, of praise, of inclusion, of reward.  These leave us feeling good (and BIG) about ourselves and our place-role the world.  They can and often do elevate us from the ‘hell to heaven’.

We are also slaves of blame, criticism, ridicule, exclusion and punishment. These leaves us feeling bad (and SMALL) about ourselves and our place-role in the world. They can and usually do ‘snatch us from heaven and leave us in hell’ sometimes for long periods of time.

As I said you/i/we live as victims. Victims of whom/what? Victims of the people who around us whose opinions matter. Victims of the prevailing conventions and standards around what constitutes a normal-good-successful person.  Let me be clear, the ‘gate-less gate’ (to use a Buddhist expression) will never open for you/i if you/i continue to choose to live like slaves and victims.

It occurs to me that those of who choose to play BIG in life are asked to show up and travel in life in a particular manner. What kind of manner?  I leave you with a quote that points at that which I speak of:

I remember days of difficult labour in a spiritual school where we were encouraged to keep a balanced attention through all kinds of situations. I was given the task of grooming a horse.

From mane to tail, from hooves right up, I worked for hours.

Then the teacher came and after a brief inspection said, “Very poor job, superficial and sloppy.” He and I watched as my heart sank.

But then something rebounded: I knew I had done my best; I knew that I could not be a slave to reward or blame. In that moment, I saw the twinkle in his eye as he turned and left. 

– Kabir Edmund Helminski, Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness & The Essential Self

I say that you/i grant ourselves the space to play BIG in life as soon as (and for as long as) you/i show up and travel in this world in a manner that calls to us, walk on the paths that calls us, travel towards destinations/outcomes that call us. And irrespective of what others say and how they treat us, we ask ourselves the following question: “Am I showing up and travelling in life in a manner where in my being-doing I am giving it my all? “

If the honest answer is “Yes!” then I say you/i can be at peace with whatever shows up: reward, punishment, praise, blame, inclusion, exclusion..

If the honest answer is “No” then I say this answer is an opportunity to look into what is missing the presence of which would allow you/i to say “Yes!”.  Is it that the path no longer calls you/me?  Is it that you/i are simply in need of some rest, some time out, to energise?  Is it that you/i need to get creative about generating a different way of travelling the path?

I ask you to play BIG!  I ask you to show and travel in a manner that calls to you. I ask you to be OK with doing your best. I ask the same of myself.

It occurs to me that there is more to say. So I invite you to consider the following as a place to show up and operate from:

  • Only the imperfect demand perfection of themselves in order to feel perfect; and
  • The access to perfection is being OK with your imperfection AND giving your living all the you have to give AND being OK with knowing that you did and are doing your best.