There was time, not that long ago, when I did not look forward to Monday mornings and that which comes with it: 3.5 hour drive to my current place of work. Now, I look forward to Monday mornings, and that drive.
There was a time, not that long ago, when I did not look forward to the work week evenings and that which came with them: making my way to a restaurant only to find myself eating alone. Now, I look forward to many of these evenings.
There was time, not that long ago, when I found myself alone and lonely in a new country. Now, I am certainly alone, for I choose to live alone, yet I do not find myself lonely.
Who or what is the cause of this shift?
This is the time to introduce Justine. I can describe her in many ways: authentic, humble/grounded, linguist, spontaneous, adventurous, intelligent, beautiful.. Yet none of that captures who she is for me.
For me, Justine is the person who brings sunshine into my existence. She does that when we commute together to/from work. She does that when she shows up for breakfast (almost always at the last moment). She does that on the work week evenings that we dine together. She does that when we ‘chat’ via WhatsApp. I refer to Justine simply as “my buddy” – for that is who she is for/to me.
Now here is the thing that I want to bring your attention to. If I had played small, just gone along with ‘my’ thoughts and feelings, then Justine would still be sunshine (for that is who she is)- just not sunshine in my existence. How so?
Month or so back I got an email from a colleague whom I barely knew. This colleague asked for a lift. Saying yes to this request meant saying yes to being in a car together for some 3 to 4 hours. And, it extended my driving time by an hour – turning a 3.5 hour drive potentially into a 4.5 hour drive.
The default setting for my machinery (thoughts, feelings, disposition) is playing small. So guess what arose? Concerns about whether this colleague and I would get along. Concerns about what we would have to talk about over 3 hours. Concerns about the extra hour in travel time for me. At this point in time it would have been so easy to find reasons for not giving this colleague a lift.
Fortunately I was saved from myself. How so? That little bit of practice I have in playing BIG. How so? A voice inside my head asked this question: “Is turning down this colleague playing Big or playing small?” The same voice responded “It’s playing small!” So, I chose to do that which is in line with playing BIG – to go outside of my comfort zone, to accept/embrace uncertainty, and to get-up an hour earlier and drive that extra hour.
Now here is the second thing I want to share with you. Once I had made and communicated that decision I found myself at peace. Why? Because the choice I had made was in line with the kind of person I am committed to being. Interestingly, in this space of peace I found a solution that works well for my colleague and which only adds 10 to 20 minutes extra time to my drive.
I wish to conclude by saying that as/when my children visit me, here in Switzerland, I look forward to introducing them to my buddy Justine – the person who brings sunshine into my existence!
Until the next time….