Where is the LOVE?


I tell myself I am doing a good job taking care of that which needs to be taken care of

My wife went into hospital for an operation on Friday.  I drove her there for midday and since that time I was focussed on doing all that needed to be done: collecting the children from school, shopping, cooking, driving them to their after school clubs, visiting my wife, bringing her home……

By Saturday morning my wife was home.  She was lying on the sofa bed with all her stuff so that she could sleep, take her medicine, read, watch French tv – our daughter took care of all that.  I knew I would not be sleeping on Saturday night (as I was committed to being awake at 3am to take my son to the airport) so I took the opportunity to have an afternoon nap.  I got up and got busy figuring out what to cook and then cooking.  Once that was done I served the food, ate and then cleared up.  At this point I was feeling rather good about myself.  I had done all the things that needed to be done: drive my wife to the hospital, find missing details needed for her operation, collect the children from their schools, cook, visit my wife in the evening, pick her up the next day, ensure she had what she needed, let her be as she was in pain and tired, ask her if she wanted tea/coffee etc, cook…..

My wife asks “Where is the love?”

So imagine my surprise when my wife told me (about 10pm on Saturday night) that she did not feel loved by me.  When she explained I got it: I had been so wrapped up in planning for and taking care of the stuff that needed to be done that I had not been loving towards her.  As she said, she’d have preferred it if I had gone over and stroked her hair / touched her face with kindness instead of fretting over cooking the right meal and taking care of the details.

Am I too busy ‘fixing, surviving, getting ahead’ to put love into the game of life?

The penny dropped.  I am busy taking care of the stuff that occurs as ‘essential to surviving’.  You are busy taking care of the stuff that occurs to you as ‘essential for living’.  We are busy taking care of the ‘essentials for survival’.  And being wrapped up in that we are not present to, mindful of the fact that LOVE (being loving, feeling loved) is also essential for survival.  How would life show up if I knew, you knew, we knew that for the rest of our lives no love would show up in our living?  Would we want to live that kind of life?  Yet here are many of us doing exactly that: so busy going through the motions of living and not really present to the quality of being that puts a smile on our face, a song in our speaking and joy in our living.

Does Rebecca Ferguson sees the truth of the human situation?

Rebecca Ferguson in her first album Heaven starts off the album singing a beautiful song called ‘Nothing’s real but love.  It occurs to me that she understands the truth of the human situation at the deepest level.  Here are some of the lyrics:

“Nothing’s real but love

No money, no house and no car can beat love….

Nothing’s real but love

No house, no car and no job can beat love……

It won’t fill you up

No money, no house, no car is like love……

la-la-la-la……

No money, no house and no car is like love

It don’t fill you up,

It won’t build you up, it won’t fill you up,

It’s not love

And nothing’s real without love,

No money, no house and no car is like love,

Nothing’s real but love

No money, no house, no car, is like love “

Glitter and gold: remember your friends & take care of your soul!


I listened to this song this weekend and it speaks to me.  It is worth sharing and so I am sharing it with you.  If it speaks to you – perfect, if it does not speak to you – perfect.  Here it is:

How good or bad, happy or sad,

Does it have to get?

Losing yourself, no cry for help

You didn’t think you need it?

And old friends are just a chore,

But no you need them now more than before.

All that glitter and all that gold

Won’t buy you happy when you’ve been bought and sold,

Riding wild horses you can’t control,

With all of your glitter and all of your gold,

Take care of your soul,

Take care of your soul.

How high, how low,

How on your own,

Are you gonna get, because

Losing your soul will cost you more,

Than that life you’re paying for,

And all those friends you left behind,

You might need them when its cold outside.

All that glitter and all that gold,

Won’t buy you happy when you’ve been bought and sold,

Riding wild horses you can’t control,

With all of your glitter and all of your gold,

Take care of your soul.

One day you’re gonna wake up and find that,

New dreams is losing its shine and,

Nobody is by your side,

And when the rain comes down you’ll be losing your mind,

So who you gonna run to, where you gonna hide

Glitter and gold won’t keep you warm,

On those lonely nights,

And all those friends who were such a chore,

You’re gonna need them more than ever before.

All that glitter and all that gold,

Won’t buy you happy when you’ve been bought and sold,

Riding wild horses you can’t control,

With all your glitter and all of your gold,

Take care of your soul

With all of your gold

Take care of your soul

Sung by Rebecca Ferguson on her first album titled ‘Heaven’