Friendship and Love


We spent a large part of last weekend at the home of our friends: Gisela, James, and Jasper.  As Gisela says, it is our home in the countryside. It strikes me that coming from someone else this would strike me as mere words, intentions, or simply being nice, being polite.  Yet, Gisela’s words do not show up that way for me: they show up for me as truth – my home in the countryside.

What is it about Gisela, James, and Jasper that leaves me feeling loved and loving them as I do?

1.  I notice that there is genuine joy in their being when I show up in their home. And vice versa.

2. It never occurs to me that I am being judged: right-wrong, good-bad… And I do not judge them. What is presence is acceptance and the space that creates for us: to simply be.

3. One-upmanship is absent: nobody is out to show that they are better, or not, than anyone else.  Yes, we rejoice in each others gifts. And we leave it at that: there is no judgement about those gifts. We take delight in each other, not judgement/evaluation.

4. I am not being advised nor educated about life.  Nor am I being questioned or interrogated.  There simple is no space in our being for that kind of conversation to show up.

5. Nothing shows up as being forced.  It does not occur to me that anyone is doing their best to please others against their own feelings-needs. It occurs to me that there is an absence of pretence. And as a result there is a certain ease and gracefulness.

6. There no faking, no bullshitting, no preening, no grandstanding, no falseness going on – none that I pick up or have picked up yet.  What there is, is, even if it is deemed to be “bad” or “inappropriate” by conventional wisdom and morality

7. We share. We share the shopping if there is shopping to be done. We share the cooking if there is cooking to be done.  We share our speaking and listening.  We share our joy in being present with one another. We share smiles. We share hugs.  We share what we have found on TED, or elsewhere, that speaks to us.  We share the joys, challenges, disappointments and heartaches of life: that which works and that which does not work in our lives.

8. Smiles, hugs, laughter and even play is present.  And what an amazing difference that makes.  To get up in the morning and be greeted with genuine warmth/affection made visible through smiles and hugs.

I am left asking myself, “What if I showed up for all the people in my life, the way that I show up with Gisela-James-Jasper?” And the thought occurs that it would be “Awesome”. What a way to show up in the world!

It occurs to me that if you and I treat everyone that we meet the way we treat our very best friends then together we would transform our lives and the world. What do you say?

What showed up for me this week? “I am love!”


There is a young man called Jasper.  He is the son of my friends Gisela and James.  There is a big difference in age between Jasper and me.  He is still playing with toy cars and watching cartoons. Yet, I find that I love being with him. In particular, I love the way that he is in my presence – comfortable. And the way he hugs me – with love, complete love.

This week a questions grabbed me: why is it that Jasper shows up as so special for me?  It hit me that Jasper is a bundle of love.  That is what he is for me – a bundle of love.

As I got present to this another question came up: why does this bundle of love make such a huge impact on me?  And then the following three words came up from deep inside me and took me by surprise: “I am love!”.  And getting present to this insight took me back to my childhood – before I came over to the UK.

At first I struggled with this – to accept this.  A part of me stepped in to say “This world is no place for someone whose being is I am love!”  And I got to see what had happened to “I am love!” and how it got suppressed.

Now, I get what is so. What is so is  “I am love”.

“I am love!”  Yes, I can be with that.  Being with that I can choose better strategies to express “I am love!”

What are you?  When you strip away the layers that you have built over yourself, then what are you?