Imperfection, imperfection, imperfection!
I disappoint myself. Not always but certainly from time to time. I particularly disappoint myself when my relating with others is not working out as I want it to work out. I am so imperfect! It really takes something to be with this. Mostly, I am not being with it as I am so busy lashing at myself.
What happens when you disappoint me? Your imperfections, where you fall short, are lit up and I see them – all of them. How do I treat you? I lash out at you – sometimes the lashing makes a sound, other times it is silent.
Thats the way to be if one is committed or merely resigned to playing small. My default setting is to play small when it comes to imperfection. It may be yours.
What’s the starting point for playing BIG in relation to imperfection?
Lets start with an insight – perhaps the insight when it comes to human beings and human worlds:
…..We are all imperfect.
Such a vision not only invites but requires Tolerance: active appreciation of the richness and variety of human beings on this earth, along with the understanding that we all struggle with the same demons, we all share the same fears and sorrows, we all do the best we can with what we have.
Please get that imperfection is not a bug it is a feature. Imperfection is a feature of human existence. Wherever you find a human being or human beings you will find yourself, sooner or later, face to face with imperfection. There is no escape from imperfection – it is intrinsic to human existence and pervasive.
Given this insight what is it to play BIG in relation to this feature of human existence?
The following story provides a great answer to this question:
A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with large and recurring crops of dandelions. Although he tried every method he knew to get rid of them, they continued to plague him. Finally, in desperation, he wrote the Extension Service of the Agriculture Department of the State University, enumerating all the things he had tried and concluding with the question: “What shall I do now?”
After a somewhat prolonged time even for such correspondence, the reply finally came: “We suggest you learn to love them.”
Damn! I have been ‘on it ‘with several members of my family: My mother, brother, and uncle for selling my father’s land despite his express request to not sell the land; My wife; and my eldest son. Playing BIG necessitates getting ‘off-it’. Am I ready to do that? I suspect this conversation provides a pointer.
Now what is the stance I take toward myself? Do I start lashing out at myself for getting ‘on-it’ and staying ‘on-it’ for most of this week? That would be falling into the same trap – lashing out at myself for not being OK, for being imperfect. So what is it to play BIG here with regards to myself and my inherent imperfection?
If you could really accept that you weren’t ok you could stop proving you were ok.
If you could stop proving that you were ok you could get that it was ok not to be ok.
If you could get that it was ok not to be ok you could get that you were ok the way you are.
You’re ok, get it?
Yes, it’s ok to accept my imperfection – all the areas in which I fall short. Yes, it’s ok for you to accept your imperfection.
It would be too simple, too Western, to leave this conversation here. So let’s introduce paradox (through Zen) for life is paradoxical through and through:
Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.
Nothing we see or hear is perfect. But right there in the imperfection is perfect reality.
I thank you for your listening. And I ask you to play BIG even if you find that like me you are finding your playing BIG imperfect.